Bubbles is watching TV. Sitting – but not sitting.

• She starts on her hands and knees
• Seconds later, she tucks her bottom in and sits on her legs
• She wriggles and moves her legs from under her
• She sits with one leg on, one leg dangling off the sofa
• Then she’s sits cross-legged
• She moves again, perching with her bottom in the air

We’d often ask if she wanted the toilet. Mostly she didn’t, so why was she so fidgety, so restless? At teatime, the story is similar…

• She takes her legs out and dangles one leg over the edge of the chair, so she is precariously off-balance all the time
• She swings both legs furiously like a frantic pendulum
• Occasionally she even tips far enough to fall off her chair
• Always leaning heavily on her arms to keep herself upright, making her eating look clumsy and odd.

She never seems relaxed and I can’t help wondering how this affects her ability to concentrate at school. Is this hypervigilance (from having to always be “on guard” to keep herself safe as a child)? Is it just being a kid, or a reflection of her trauma?

Nothing I read in any of the books on trauma and adoption seem to even mention this physical symptom. I shrug and pray she will eventually “grow out of it.”

She Missed Commando Training

Then we attended a Post Adoption Support course recently on sensory development, led by the insightful and inspiring Sarah Lloyd.

Sarah explained in detail (as we took turns to lie on the floor and crawl) the way a child’s body builds:

• first in the shoulders and neck – holding their head up, then lying on their tummy and craning to see
• then rolling, commando-crawling – dragging their body forward with their arms and shoulders
• later crawling on all fours, with opposite arms and legs moving in synchronised bilateral movement

She talks about floppy children. How you hold them and they sink and sag, as if their stuffing is missing.

Some children miss out on these stages of physical development. They are kept in baby rockers or car seats, and don’t do enough crawling to strengthen their neck and shoulders. Not only that, because they don’t turn and move alot, causing fluid to rush through their inner ear, their sense of balance is under-developed too.

Sarah explains how in extreme cases, a child might have to lean against a wall, their shoulder touching it the whole way, in order to walk down a corridor.

What’s more, she says that emotional regulation comes after physical regulation, so starting here is essential. That really gets my attention!

But They Can Walk!

Sarah asks us ‘At what age should a child be able to walk down the stairs, one foot on each step, without holding onto the railings?‘

Eight? Six? Seven? We suggest tentatively.

‘Two‘ she responds.

The gasps and shock that ripples around the room are clear evidence that our children have not met some physical milestones, despite their other achievements. We boldly offer evidence in their defence: “But they can run miles/ swim/ ride a bike” we protest. Sarah unveils the truth:

You can’t build their bodies from the legs up. They have to build from the neck and shoulder girdle down.

Sarah Lloyd

There Is Hope

As Sarah demonstrates, our children are underdeveloped. Yet she explains that we can take steps to retrace those missing items and build their sensory system in the order it was meant to develop.

Her advice seemed simple, against the complexity of trauma. But encouraged by her research and videos, we decide to give it a go. This is what we do:

1. Stage 1: Tummy Time. We encourage Bubbles to watch TV at bedtime on her tummy (and other times). At first she manages five minutes before complaining that it hurts, but she builds to an hour within a few months.
2. Stage 2: Commando Crawling and Wheelbarrows. We create races between the two (for Nibbles joins in after about a month, when his sister rapidly overtakes his shoulder strength). Even to the point that they do a wheelbarrow up the stairs to bed.
3. Stage 3: Sucky Puddings (see part 2 of this blog).

In the physical stages 1 and 2, Sarah suggest we focus on technique. For instance, on lying straight, both hips on the ground for Tummy Time. It’s not about how long they do it, but getting the body in the right position.

Does It Work?

For the first month, we focused on Stage 1: Tummy Time (read more in my blog detailing this exercise here).

I had low expectations. Not because Sarah wasn’t brilliant, but because it seemed too simple, too obvious.

When was I last kicked at teatime? I thought to myself about a week into the experiment. I put my knife and fork down and sat back in my chair, casting a casual eye at my daughter. She was sat dead centre on the chair, and her legs were swaying a little, but nothing much.

No way. I thought to myself. It’s only been a week or so. Surely not? To say I was surprised was an understatement.

But she continued to sit in this manner. She started to lean back in her chair, without leaning heavily on her arms to keep herself upright. Her posture and core strength began to build, all from bedtime TV Tummy Time.

I was aghast. I wished I’d learnt this years ago. Just hours of lying on her tummy watching TV and she had begun to rebuild her core, resolving years of wiggling, fidgeting and leaning. I became a convert.

Yes there is more to rebuild. Yes it will take time to continue to work on these areas. No we don’t always do the exercises. But it feels that we’ve added another (important) piece of the jigsaw puzzle that will help our children become of the best versions of themselves that they can.